Breaking the Habit (Inspired by Linkin Park)
by skull702
Summary: Gumball decides he has had enough with himself. After the heated argument he has had with his family, Gumball decides that it may be for the best to break the habit of himself, in order for the sake of his family's happiness. However, it's a choice that will not only end in tragedy for his family, but to himself.
1. Chapter 1

_Why am I like this?_

_What am I truly fighting for? The yelling, the screaming…_

_Why the fuck do I say things I regret later?!_

_I don't know why I act the way I act. Maybe I'm just tired?_

_Tired of my family's successes?_

_Tired of seeing my sister Anais succeeding in school with ease? Could I be jealous?_

_My mom is so proud of her when she brings her report cards and test results from school, it_

_Send my mother in such sheer joy for every paper she holds in front of her._

_When has she ever smiled at me like that?_

_Then there's Darwin. He's not as smart or bright-minded like my sister, but he's so cheery and lighthearted, it makes up for the lack of intelligence._

_He has such a huge social circle in school. Everybody loves to be around with my brother. Tells so many jokes and stories that even makes Miss. Simian grin from ear to ear._

_Me? None of that… I distanced myself from everyone. All my relationships with everyone soon faded and changed… Darwin notices this and doesn't even want to do anything with me anymore. He always with Carrie or Tobias, his new best friend._

_I'm nothing but a stranger to everyone..._

_Fucking shit… Looking back at all this while writing it done…_

_It's eating me…_

* * *

Gumball places his pen down and pushes himself away from his computer table. It's 9:25 PM, the remaining Watterson were tucked in their beds and fast asleep. Gumball, being the only exception, was currently up writing down his thoughts with the computer light illuminating the whole room, being his only light source.

Gumball looks up at the ceiling and takes long, deep breaths. A lump forms inside of his throat and his eyes tingle again. He's on his breaking point once again.

Pushing his feelings aside, he once again brings himself towards the computer table and finish up his letter.

* * *

_**It doesn't make it any better that my Mom tries to rub it in my face every time I go into the fucking kitchen!**_

* * *

Tears now spewing from his eyes and rolls onto his cheeks. Two droplets falls and make contact with the letter.

* * *

_**Every time I go to the fridge to get something to drink, I'm forced to see that stupid fucking chart my Mom made up. She thinks I don't give a shit about it. She thinks I'm all rainbows and sunshines every fucking day. BUT SHE CAN'T UNDERSTAND THAT IT HURTS TO KNOW THAT SHE SEE EVERYONE ELSE IN THIS FAMILY AS A WINNER BESIDES ME?! I'M NOT EVEN ON THE FUCKING CHART! I'M JUST SOME FAILURE TO HER. WAS I NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU, NICOLE?!**_

* * *

He right wrist soon ache in pain as he finishes the sentence. The tears were now in a constant trail of sorrow that flows freely through his cheeks. His eyes, bloodshot in rage and sadness. His teeth, pressed hard against each other in response to the aggressive writing.

His heart, breaking.

He's angry that Nicole, his mother, doesn't acknowledge the good in her soon and mainly focuses on the other members. But sadly, on the inside, Gumball knows the reason for the lack of attention from his mother.

After two minutes of a long, needed pause, Gumball resumes writing

* * *

_I'm sorry…_

_I snapped again, I keep doing that when I feel sad. It's not her fault that she doesn't notices me or put in her Reach for the Stars chart. I am a failure. I'm a failed son, an abortion that should've been planned…_

_What have I truly done in life? Chaos and damage? Who would be proud of that? Who would be happy to be related to a man who does nothing but destruction?_

_I'm the reason why she still has that stupid factory job. If she didn't have to pay all those fines, she'll go into part-time and pursue her dreams into a real career…_

_No… I had to fuck everything up._

_I'm so sorry Mommy… I'm sorry I did this to you. _

_I promise to repay all those hours of stress and damages…_

_I'm sorry to everyone I hurted, I truly do hate myself for what I've done. I promise, for tonight, I'll be Breaking the Habit._

_Three hours ago, I was having dinner with my family. Silence filled the entire living room once again._

_Once again too many._

_My sister tried to break the silence and told my Mom about a silence fair coming up, and had an amazing theory she wanted to present to everyone in the school, but that didn't help, cuz my Mom was more focused on me._

_She said my name and asked what was wrong with me lately. I didn't know what to do at that point. For some stupid ass reason, I became irritated by her attitude towards me._

_So, I hold back my feelings and said nothing was wrong, but it wasn't enough. She slammed down the fork and demanded an answer from me. _

_She followed on saying why I've been distant from everyone, and why I've been 'moody.'_

_I wished I told her the truth._

_I wished I cried in front of them and open up my feelings._

_I wished I did anything else besides getting pissed off…_

_I-_

* * *

This time, Gumball stand up and tried to regain himself once again. He turns around and focuses on Darwin's fishbowl.

Darwin was like almost everyone else in the household. Sleeping deeply. However, he didn't have a peaceful look, the one he usually displays when asleep. He looked, angry. He usually sleeps with a cheerful pout on his face. Instead, he lacked the pout and was frowning inside of the fishbowl.

That, and a noticeable cut marking on his forehead displayed in front of Gumball.

Guilt ran through Gumball's body.

A Few minutes later, Gumball once again, returned to his chair.

* * *

_I snapped and threw the plate across the table…_

_I was so angry, didn't even think about what I was doing… I just did it!_

_Mom and Dad were enraged, Anais looked at me in fear of what I did._

_Darwin fell from the chair and had one of his fins on his forehead. _

_Darwin began crying loudly at the dinner table and started wailing back and forth. At first, I thought he was trying to fake being hurt because he wanted the attention or some shit._

_But when Dad tried reaching over him to see if he was okay, Darwin moved his fins away from his forehead and blood was gushing down to his eyelids…_

_My stomach dropped, along with my heart. I walked over towards Darwin and tried to apologize to him, but my Mom immediately grabbed me by the neck and shoved me towards the walls of the kitchen._

_From there, she smacked me senseless. Back and forth, my cheeks fired up and started to burn. My throat, feeling the pressure from her intense grasp… She didn't say anything until she laid one last slap across my face that sent me flying to the kitchen floor. _

_I cried hard. I cried loud, but I still heard the sobs from Darwin across the living room._

_I hesitated to look up at my Mom, I was afraid she was going to kick me or something…_

_Instead, she started yelling at me…_

* * *

"_**WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU, GUMBALL?! WHY ARE YOU ACTING LIKE THIS?!" **__Nicole yelled, balling up her fists. Gumball was currently on the kitchen floor. The cool flooring plates pressed against his arms and legs of the floor, but all he could feel was the afterburns from his mother's slaps. _

_Exactly one minute ago, Gumball was heated with rage and annoyance, now he's in fear and regret. Fear, for what is about to happen next once he opens his mouth._

_Regret, for unintentionally attacking his younger brother, who was nothing more but a bystander at the living room table. _

_The only sounds that filled the entire house were Gumball's cries and Darwin sobs. Occasionally, you'll hear the voice of Richard, trying to calm Darwin down and the bandage wrappings being split open apart._

_That's only if you weren't trying to focus on the cries from the two young boys._

"_**ANSWER ME NOW, GUMBALL!" **__Nicole yelled once again, stepping closer to the weeping kid. In response, Gumball dragged himself away from his mother. _

_Nothing came out from Gumball's mouth. Other than sobs, no other words came out that Nicole was hoping to hear._

_Suddenly, Anais came running in the kitchen and started yelling at Gumball also. A stream of tears ran across her cheeks._

"_**WHY DID YOU HURT DARWIN!? HE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG! WHY ARE YOU BEING SO MEAN TO US FOR?!"**_

_Even with Anais now being in the kitchen, Gumball still couldn't come up with any reason as to why he suddenly changed towards everyone. All he did was remain on the floor and cried his heart out._

_Having enough of this, Nicole charged towards Gumball and grabbed him by the collar of his turtleneck. Gumball let out a loud cry, fearing for the worse to come. Instead, Nicole dragged him across the living room and threw him down onto the stairs that lead to the upper part of the house. _

_His jaw made contact with one of the steps, but it wasn't enough to cause any noticeable pain to the mouth. Gumball looked up at Nicole's eyes once again. _

_Confused, Gumball brought himself up from the ground._

"_**UPSTAIRS! NOW!"**_

* * *

_I didn't even get the chance to see if Darwin was okay or not…_

_I didn't mean to hurt him. I love him, and I would do anything I can to stop myself from ever throwing a plate at him again._

_I don't expect him to forgive me for what I did to him. I don't expect for anyone to forgive me for the years of misery I have caused._

_I don't know how I ever became this way. I don't think I'll ever be alright._

_Which is why I promise to never fight with anyone ever again. To never scream, yell, or snap at my Mother ever again. To never hurt any of my siblings ever again._

_I promise to end it tonight. To end it all…_

_To end my life. To bring joy to my family, once and for all..._

* * *

**Hope you guys enjoy this one-shot. This is my first ever fanfic, so it might not be as good as the pros. Hopefully, it was well-written. This story was based on one of the Linkin Park tracks _Breaking the Habit_ (Hence the title for this story)_._**

**Was it good? Was it subpar? Leave a review. **


	2. Chapter 2

The moon looks so beautiful tonight. A full moon, beaming down its light towards the quiet neighborhood of Elmore as everyone is fast asleep. If you were to wake up during the night, you would not want to go back to sleep after witnessing its beauty.

Millions of stars flickered behind the moon, making their presence known. Flickering… Flickering.

Yet Gumball is the only one awake to witness it as he makes his way into the kitchen and through the back door.

The stars continue to flicker as he makes his way outside. So many stars shine bright tonight. There must be billions shining down!

Who would notice if one went out?

Closing the back door, silently, the feline was greeted by the chirping sounds of crickets as he walks forward into the backyard.

The grass hasn't been mowed for a while. Strips of grass managed to grow four inches as it gets in between his toes, brushing and leaning back as each foot moves forward.

Who would care if one star went out?

Behind him, the grass continues to lean backwards…

To make way for the noose that follows Gumball.

It feels so heavy to carry it around. So damn heavy. Not because of its weight. It's a paracord noose for fuck sakes.

It's heavy because of the intention behind it.

Gumball was planning to hang himself inside the shed. To hide in darkness and suffocate as the noose digs deep into his throat and cuts him away from oxygen. To hang lifeless.

Pulling the shed door open. A beam of light from the moon traveled through the window and into the shed. Underneath the light, was an old worn-out stool. One of the steel nails stands out from the rest, all rusty and bent.

It's as if it were waiting for this day to come. To be tipped over and become the only witness in a twelve year-old's death.

As Gumball walked towards the stool and swing the end of the noose into the wooden beam, he placed his left foot onto it began to apply pressure into it, testing to see if it can still hold up its job after being left out for such a long time.

Seeing as it is still durable, he stepped up and was now on top of the wooden stool. Looking up, he began tying down the end of the noose onto the beam. The noose was on the same level as his head as he finished and looked straight into the opening.

And then he stood there… Watching the noose swing left and right… Taunting him…

As the noose continued to swing, it made contact with his nose and brush it. Teasing him…

Left… Right… Left… Right…

Suddenly, Gumball grabbed the swaying noose with both of his hands in one quick movement. The stool nearly lost its footing, but Gumball never left his gaze at the noose.

Then…

He placed his forehead onto the coil of the noose and began to sob quietly. Trails of tears rolled across his cheek as they roll off and hit the wooden flooring, sinking into the dry wood.

He wishes there were other options to forgiveness. He wished it didn't have to be this way.

_**Why did he have to scream?**_

Because he was wrong.

_**Why did he snapped at Nicole?!**_

Because he was tired.

_**Why did he have to hurt people who were only trying to help?! Especially Darwin, who did nothing wrong?!**_

Because he was afraid of the truth.

He was afraid that he was beyond repair. Beyond recovery.

_**Why did it have to be this way?**_

Because what he was afraid of, was what he was facing.

_**Why… Didn't... You... Cried…**_

Because he promised to end it.

Slowly, he wrapped the noose around his neck and adjusted the coil, letting the noose snug tightly against his neck.

It was like a hug he longed for. His only affection…

A fucking noose.

He turned his head around and stared at the moon for the last time. How it brightens every second he stared. His eyes were glistening as the moonlight reflected off his tears.

The stars still flickered in the night sky. Flickering it shine against the darkness.

Who would honestly care if one little dim-lighted star went and burnt out? Especially in a sky where millions remained.

Gumball is just like that light going out. He's just a moment that everyone wished to forget. A fucking cancer to be treated. A mistake.

No one would notice.

Taking his gaze off from the window and into the floor. Gumball mumbled his final words into the shadow, as if his family was hearing him.

"_I'm sorry…"_

Sometimes, being sorry wasn't enough.

Kicking the stool off, an audible thump could be heard as the rusty nail flew off and bounced across the floor. Bouncing till it bounced in place and remaining stationary as it came to a halt.

The pressure from his neck burned intensive. It hurts so fucking much... He kicks his legs in the air as his body begins to sway back and forth. The burning continues to grow stronger. He's gasping for air, but his lungs remained motionless. His face soonsturns slightly purple.

**Oh fuck! This was a mistake!**

Gumball grabbed hold onto the coil of the noose and tried to readjust it to become loose. But the coil will not budge and remained snugged. His entire body shook vigorously, swaying back and forth as he tries to kick up. He tries to place both his hands underneath his neck, but no opening was between him and the noose. He started feeling light-headed.

He tries to scream for help, but all that came out was a groan that was too quiet for the whole neighborhood to hear.

Slowly, overtime, his struggles soon relaxed and was only occasionally kicking. Overtime again, his body only twitched and his fingers shook.

Then.

He was motionless.


End file.
